Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and for me, it’ll probably be spent curled up with a blanket, rewatching my favourite romcoms. Recently, I binged season 2 of XO, Kitty, and one detail stuck with me: one of the love interests calls the protagonist, Kitty, by her last name, ‘Covey’. At first, it seems like he’s just trying to get under her skin, but for fans of To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, we know better. ‘Covey’ isn’t just a name, it’s a term of endearment. In this universe, being called by your last name is practically a love language. 

In To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, where romance isn’t just about sweeping gestures or perfect promposals. It’s in the little details, like how Peter Kavinsky calls Lara Jean ‘Covey.’ At first it feels casual, maybe even a little flippant. But as their fake relationship blossoms into something real, ‘Covey’ takes on new meaning. It’s Peter’s way of singling her out, showing that he sees her not as some rebound but as ‘Lara Jean Covey’, the introverted hopeless romantic who’s uniquely her. The repetition of her last name throughout the trilogy mirrors their relationship’s evolution, going from a teasing nickname to a term of endearment that carries weight. It’s a reminder that sometimes, love is about the little things, like how someone chooses to say your name. 

Similarly, in 10 Things I Hate About You, Patrick Verona doesn’t call Kat by her last name ‘Stratford’ just to tease her. It’s his way of marking her as someone different, someone who stands out in a sea of high school clichés. It’s playful, sure, but also personal. The same goes for Bridget Jones’s Diary where Mark Darcy affectionately calls Bridget ‘Jones.’ It’s not just a name; it’s a declaration: he sees her, quirks and all, and loves her exactly as she is. So, I couldn’t help but wonder, what is it about last names that feels so intimate in romance? Maybe it’s because they strip away pretence and formality, leaving something raw, authentic, and uniquely you.  

In Western romcoms, last names are often flirty, playful, even intimate. But does the same hold true across cultures? In some places, last names carry a deep sense of lineage and respect, tied to family and tradition. In others, they’re rarely used in casual conversation, let alone romance. Could the power of a last name be something uniquely tied to Western ideas of individuality and love? Or does every culture have its own version of using names to flirt, tease, and connect?  

In Asian cultures like Korea and Bangladesh, names carry layers of meaning and social context that go beyond individuality. When I watched Singles Inferno, the Korean dating show, I noticed how contestants often address each other by their full names, like ‘Shin Ji-yeon’ or ‘Kim Hyeon-joong.’ In Korea, last names aren’t often used alone in casual settings unless it’s to signify authority or distance which makes the romantic use of surnames in Western media feel almost foreign. In Bangladesh, the practice is even more layered. People rarely call each other by just their first names; instead, they add titles like ‘bhaiya’ (brother) or ‘apu’ (sister), emphasising familial bonds and respect over individuality. These cultural norms show how names in Asian societies are less about singling someone out romantically and more about reinforcing connections within a social framework. Romance in these cultures doesn’t come from dropping teasing nicknames, it’s more about actions that quietly speak volumes. Maybe in some places, love isn’t about standing out but fitting into someone’s world, one thoughtful gesture at a time. 

Traditionally, surnames have symbolised lineage and legacy, often tied to men as the ‘carriers’ of family names. However, for women last names have historically been viewed as temporary, something borrowed until marriage when they adopt a new identity and last name. This expectation may explain why last names are more commonly used for men in both formal and affectionate ways. A man’s last name implies continuity, a sense of permanence, while a woman’s last name has been culturally framed as transitional, tied more to her family of origin than to her individual identity. This dynamic subtly influences how we perceive romance in language. Calling someone by their last name often suggests stability, admiration, or playful confidence – qualities that society has long associated with masculinity. When a woman’s last name is used romantically, it feels subversive, even empowering, as if reclaiming that name as a mark of individuality and affection, not just family ties.  

Surnames carry an emotional weight that goes beyond formality, they’re tied to identity, history, and how we see ourselves in relation to others. In romance, using someone’s last name can feel like peeling back a layer of who they are, focusing on their essence while quietly acknowledging their individuality, that’s why it works so well in the romcoms. Whether it’s Patrick teasingly calling Kat ‘Stratford‘, Peter affectionately calling Lara Jean ‘Covey’ or even Mark Darcy quietly admiring ‘Jones’, the last name becomes shorthand for intimacy – a way of saying, ‘I see you for who you truly are.’ And isn’t that what romance is all about? Whether it’s in the playful banter of a romcom or real-life love stories, surnames remind us that sometimes, the smallest words can carry the biggest feelings.